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	<title>Comments on: Floating Down a River&#8230;</title>
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		<title>By: Mackenzie</title>
		<link>http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/comment-page-1/#comment-236</link>
		<dc:creator>Mackenzie</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 28 Sep 2009 18:59:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/#comment-236</guid>
		<description>&quot;Amazon Adventure&quot;
by Mackenzie - Age 13

  I look around not sure where I am and then I see an inner tube. It&#039;s small and doesn&#039;t look very sturdy, but a part of me trusts it. So, I sit down in it and push off from the shore.

  As I float down I see a swarm of Piranha&#039;s with teeth that gleam with blood and vibrant colors that shine brightly in the water. I freeze in fear. as I float by, they stare at me with big hungry eyes.

  I float float farther down the river, starting to understand where I am. I see an alligator, still as can be, with the calmly bobbing water. His mouth open with jagged teeth, yearning for it&#039;s next meal. He doesn&#039;t seem to notice me.

  As I go down the river, I feel a hard thump on my head. I look up to see, in the trees, Spider Monkeys! They are cute and playful. I smile and throw something back at them. We throw some more until I get out of range of their home.

  I start to hear people, I think I&#039;m going crazy until I see a town. I slowly drift over to the bank. I get up and think about what has happened. I had fun but I want to go home.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>&#8220;Amazon Adventure&#8221;<br />
by Mackenzie &#8211; Age 13</p>
<p>  I look around not sure where I am and then I see an inner tube. It&#8217;s small and doesn&#8217;t look very sturdy, but a part of me trusts it. So, I sit down in it and push off from the shore.</p>
<p>  As I float down I see a swarm of Piranha&#8217;s with teeth that gleam with blood and vibrant colors that shine brightly in the water. I freeze in fear. as I float by, they stare at me with big hungry eyes.</p>
<p>  I float float farther down the river, starting to understand where I am. I see an alligator, still as can be, with the calmly bobbing water. His mouth open with jagged teeth, yearning for it&#8217;s next meal. He doesn&#8217;t seem to notice me.</p>
<p>  As I go down the river, I feel a hard thump on my head. I look up to see, in the trees, Spider Monkeys! They are cute and playful. I smile and throw something back at them. We throw some more until I get out of range of their home.</p>
<p>  I start to hear people, I think I&#8217;m going crazy until I see a town. I slowly drift over to the bank. I get up and think about what has happened. I had fun but I want to go home.</p>
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		<title>By: Alex</title>
		<link>http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/comment-page-1/#comment-235</link>
		<dc:creator>Alex</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 28 Sep 2009 18:52:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/#comment-235</guid>
		<description>&quot;My Journey on the Nile&quot;
By Alex, Grade 7.

&quot;Wow this is small, do I still have to go?&quot; I said as I got into the smallest boat I&#039;ve ever seen, not wanting to leave civilization. They give my boat a gentle push and away I go to a place unknown to me.

The first animal that catches my eye is an alligator. As I float past the alligator I see that it is finishing off its lunch. After I pass it I kind of hope I wont see another one along my journey.

After I woke up from a nap that I didn&#039;t even know I&#039;d taken, I saw an ibis. As the ibis lands on the side of the boat I notice that it has plastic stuck on its wing. After I help the ibis it flies away and I&#039;m left alone.

My last and favourite animal that I see is a fish. The fish was colored all different colors. As the sun shone on the fish I saw that a chunk of its scales were missing.

As I neared a loading dock I wondered if the fish got in a fight, how did the ibis get plastic on its wing, and was there anything wrong with the alligator. After relief washed over my legs I went back to my hotel and wrote My Journey on the Nile.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>&#8220;My Journey on the Nile&#8221;<br />
By Alex, Grade 7.</p>
<p>&#8220;Wow this is small, do I still have to go?&#8221; I said as I got into the smallest boat I&#8217;ve ever seen, not wanting to leave civilization. They give my boat a gentle push and away I go to a place unknown to me.</p>
<p>The first animal that catches my eye is an alligator. As I float past the alligator I see that it is finishing off its lunch. After I pass it I kind of hope I wont see another one along my journey.</p>
<p>After I woke up from a nap that I didn&#8217;t even know I&#8217;d taken, I saw an ibis. As the ibis lands on the side of the boat I notice that it has plastic stuck on its wing. After I help the ibis it flies away and I&#8217;m left alone.</p>
<p>My last and favourite animal that I see is a fish. The fish was colored all different colors. As the sun shone on the fish I saw that a chunk of its scales were missing.</p>
<p>As I neared a loading dock I wondered if the fish got in a fight, how did the ibis get plastic on its wing, and was there anything wrong with the alligator. After relief washed over my legs I went back to my hotel and wrote My Journey on the Nile.</p>
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		<title>By: Caroline and Mrs. Jorge</title>
		<link>http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/comment-page-1/#comment-127</link>
		<dc:creator>Caroline and Mrs. Jorge</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 19 May 2008 08:26:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/#comment-127</guid>
		<description>“Floating Down the River”
By Caroline Ferguson
Age 12

	Ruby was walking near a river with beautiful trees along the bank, furry animals hiding in the branches and people picnicking in the shade of the trees.  She saw a wooden boat nearby.  Ruby grabbed the boat and headed off into the green, blue water.  There was a strong current and many rocks.  It was hard to control the boat but she managed.
	Ruby found a stick floating nearby. She grabbed it and started paddling along.  Suddenly Ruby heard a noise.  “Help, help,” someone cried.  She saw a man struggling to stay afloat, fighting the current.  She grabbed his hand.  He jumped into the boat and took huge, deep breaths.  
After a few minutes he gasped, “Hi, my name is Mica.  I’m a forest ranger, and I help endangered animals.”  Ruby said, “How did you fall into the water?”  Mica answered back, “Those crocodiles don’t like me.  They think that I’m their dinner.”  Mica asked, “Where are you heading?”  Ruby answered, “I do not know.  I just love looking at this beautiful place with so many animals and plants around me.”  “Do you want to explore with me?” Ruby asked.   Mica said, “This place is beautiful.  Of course, I would love to join you.” Off they went on their adventure!
	Mica and Ruby passed a wild monkey.  Before she knew what was happening, the monkey jumped from the tree and started gnawing on Ruby’s long blond hair.  Ruby threw the monkey into the water and started paddling fast to get away.  
	When they were miles from the monkey, Ruby saw a helpless, injured bird in the water.  She lifted the bird out of the water.  Mica said, “You’ve just saved an ivory-billed woodpecker.  They are so rare!  Only a few live today.  You are going to be famous!”  Mica suddenly became very quiet.
	Ruby said, “I can see the shore from here!”  They paddled to the bank and headed to shore.  Ruby said her goodbyes to Mica and the bird.  She handed the bird to Mica and said “You should take the bird to the hospital.  I trust you.  Good luck.” Ruby started to walk away but suddenly looked back, and shouted, “Goodbye!”  But when she turned, everything was gone, even the boat.  Mica and the bird were nowhere to be seen.  She wondered, “Was it even there in the first place?”</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>“Floating Down the River”<br />
By Caroline Ferguson<br />
Age 12</p>
<p>	Ruby was walking near a river with beautiful trees along the bank, furry animals hiding in the branches and people picnicking in the shade of the trees.  She saw a wooden boat nearby.  Ruby grabbed the boat and headed off into the green, blue water.  There was a strong current and many rocks.  It was hard to control the boat but she managed.<br />
	Ruby found a stick floating nearby. She grabbed it and started paddling along.  Suddenly Ruby heard a noise.  “Help, help,” someone cried.  She saw a man struggling to stay afloat, fighting the current.  She grabbed his hand.  He jumped into the boat and took huge, deep breaths.<br />
After a few minutes he gasped, “Hi, my name is Mica.  I’m a forest ranger, and I help endangered animals.”  Ruby said, “How did you fall into the water?”  Mica answered back, “Those crocodiles don’t like me.  They think that I’m their dinner.”  Mica asked, “Where are you heading?”  Ruby answered, “I do not know.  I just love looking at this beautiful place with so many animals and plants around me.”  “Do you want to explore with me?” Ruby asked.   Mica said, “This place is beautiful.  Of course, I would love to join you.” Off they went on their adventure!<br />
	Mica and Ruby passed a wild monkey.  Before she knew what was happening, the monkey jumped from the tree and started gnawing on Ruby’s long blond hair.  Ruby threw the monkey into the water and started paddling fast to get away.<br />
	When they were miles from the monkey, Ruby saw a helpless, injured bird in the water.  She lifted the bird out of the water.  Mica said, “You’ve just saved an ivory-billed woodpecker.  They are so rare!  Only a few live today.  You are going to be famous!”  Mica suddenly became very quiet.<br />
	Ruby said, “I can see the shore from here!”  They paddled to the bank and headed to shore.  Ruby said her goodbyes to Mica and the bird.  She handed the bird to Mica and said “You should take the bird to the hospital.  I trust you.  Good luck.” Ruby started to walk away but suddenly looked back, and shouted, “Goodbye!”  But when she turned, everything was gone, even the boat.  Mica and the bird were nowhere to be seen.  She wondered, “Was it even there in the first place?”</p>
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		<title>By: Dana</title>
		<link>http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/comment-page-1/#comment-3</link>
		<dc:creator>Dana</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 16 Nov 2007 12:39:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/#comment-3</guid>
		<description>&lt;em&gt;Instead of having my character float down a river, I made him &quot;float&quot; down a hallway at school.  I decided to take the bullying theme from 
&lt;strong&gt;Daisy Comes Home &lt;/strong&gt;to a different place.  --&lt;a href=&quot;http://writingfix.com/images/class_student_pics/dana_daisy_prompt.jpg&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;Dana&lt;/a&gt;, 9th grader&lt;/em&gt;
&lt;em&gt;
(Click on Dana&#039;s name to see this author&#039;s picture)&lt;/em&gt;

 

            Nathan was just a normal kid.  He went to school every day.  He was a little above average in his classes. He was alright at soccer, and he was getting pretty good at wrestling, even though he was pretty skinny.   He did okay with girls.  He had enough friends.  He could never figure out why Shawn hated him so much.

            Every day Shawn would find a way to make Nathan unhappy.  He would take his lunch money, or flirt with Nathan’s girlfriend, or something else like that.  Every once in a while he would even beat Nathan up.  He didn’t really have a good reason.  He just did it.

            Nathan finally realized that he really needed help dealing with Shawn.  He couldn’t really talk to his parents about it, so he decided to talk to some of his friends.  They would probably know what to do.  They seemed like they always had some way to deal with problems, and they were always very supportive of Nathan.

            First Nathan figured he should talk to his friend Christopher.  Christopher was kind of a nerd, even though everyone liked him.  He always got the best grade on tests.  He watched Star Trek, and every once in a while he played Dungeons and Dragons.  If anyone had any experience with getting bullied, it would be Christopher.

            Nathan asked him, “Christopher, have you ever been bullied?”  Christopher looked up at him from his homework.  “Is this about Shawn?”  Christopher asked.  Nathan was shocked that anyone knew about Shawn bullying him.  “How did you know about that?”  “You flinch every time he walks past you in the halls.  Plus you don’t seem very happy lately.” he explained  “Oh,” Chris said, “So what should I do?

            Chris thought about it for a moment.  He really considered it, and then he finally said,  “Just talk to him, ask him why he’s doing it.  Then make him realize that he shouldn’t be doing it.”  

            Chris didn’t really want to try to talk to Shawn.  He went to ask his friend Cindy.  She was the captain of the cheerleading squad.  She was always happy, and she could usually find a way to make Nathan happy.  Nathan needed some cheering up, so he went to see her.

            She saw him coming, so she ran up and gave him a hug.  “Hi Nathan!”  She exclaimed.  “Hey Cindy,”  he replied.  She spotted his frown.  “Christopher said that you’ve been getting bullied by Shawn.” she stated.  “Yeah, and I really don’t know what to do.”  He said.  “Well that’s easy,”  she said, as if the answer was obvious and he should have thought of it already, “just be really nice to him, and he’ll be nice to you.” Nathan didn’t think that would work, either.  

            He could only think of one more friend that he trusted enough to talk about getting bullied with.  His friend Brian.  Brian was the Football, Basketball, and Baseball star of the school.  He was all-state in Football, and was going to go to Ohio State on a full ride scholarship.  

            When basketball practice got out, Nathan walked up to Brian and asked him about it.  “Hey Brian, Shawn is pissing me off, what should I do?” he said.  He didn’t want to admit that Shawn was bullying him to Brian.  “Oh yeah, I heard he was bullying you.” Brian commented.  “Who did you hear that from?”  Brian gawked.  “Shawn was braggin’ about it during practice yesterday.”  Nathan remembered that Shawn was on the basketball team too.  “I woulda punched his face in for you, but I figured I should let you handle it,”  Brian continued.  

            He should’ve, Nathan thought.  Then I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  “Yeah, but what should I do?”  He asked again.  Brian answered, “I already told you how I would handle it, just hit him.  Don’t let him push you around anymore.  He’s not so tough.” 

Nathan knew that Shawn was a lot bigger than him, and he sure seemed tough, but it was already 5:00 and he had to go home and do his homework.  

            When he got to school the next day, Shawn walked up to him.  “Hey,” he said, “Can I borrow some money?”  He obviously thought he was being clever by pretending that Nathan had a choice.  “Why do you need money?”  Nathan asked remembering Christopher’s advice.  “Because I didn’t bring mine.  Now just give it to me, and I’ll get going.”  Shawn snapped, starting to lose his very short temper. 

            “Here,” Nathan said, “ Here’s all I have that I don’t need for today.” Nathan said, pulling out his money and trying to be nice like Cindy had suggested.  Shawn was amazed that Nathan didn’t seem to get it. “No, that’s not going to be enough,” he said, almost yelling because he was so mad.  Then he grabbed for the money in Nathan’s hand.

            Nathan, as a wrestler, didn’t even let him get close.  He snatched the hand that Shawn had lunged with. While Shawn was off balance Nathan pulled him and stuck his foot out.  Shawn tripped and fell hard to the ground. He looked up, and saw everyone that had heard the argument laughing at him.  As he walked off, Nathan tried to play it cool, but inside he was bubbling with excitement as he went to find his friends.

</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>Instead of having my character float down a river, I made him &#8220;float&#8221; down a hallway at school.  I decided to take the bullying theme from<br />
<strong>Daisy Comes Home </strong>to a different place.  &#8211;<a href="http://writingfix.com/images/class_student_pics/dana_daisy_prompt.jpg" rel="nofollow">Dana</a>, 9th grader</em><br />
<em><br />
(Click on Dana&#8217;s name to see this author&#8217;s picture)</em></p>
<p>            Nathan was just a normal kid.  He went to school every day.  He was a little above average in his classes. He was alright at soccer, and he was getting pretty good at wrestling, even though he was pretty skinny.   He did okay with girls.  He had enough friends.  He could never figure out why Shawn hated him so much.</p>
<p>            Every day Shawn would find a way to make Nathan unhappy.  He would take his lunch money, or flirt with Nathan’s girlfriend, or something else like that.  Every once in a while he would even beat Nathan up.  He didn’t really have a good reason.  He just did it.</p>
<p>            Nathan finally realized that he really needed help dealing with Shawn.  He couldn’t really talk to his parents about it, so he decided to talk to some of his friends.  They would probably know what to do.  They seemed like they always had some way to deal with problems, and they were always very supportive of Nathan.</p>
<p>            First Nathan figured he should talk to his friend Christopher.  Christopher was kind of a nerd, even though everyone liked him.  He always got the best grade on tests.  He watched Star Trek, and every once in a while he played Dungeons and Dragons.  If anyone had any experience with getting bullied, it would be Christopher.</p>
<p>            Nathan asked him, “Christopher, have you ever been bullied?”  Christopher looked up at him from his homework.  “Is this about Shawn?”  Christopher asked.  Nathan was shocked that anyone knew about Shawn bullying him.  “How did you know about that?”  “You flinch every time he walks past you in the halls.  Plus you don’t seem very happy lately.” he explained  “Oh,” Chris said, “So what should I do?</p>
<p>            Chris thought about it for a moment.  He really considered it, and then he finally said,  “Just talk to him, ask him why he’s doing it.  Then make him realize that he shouldn’t be doing it.”  </p>
<p>            Chris didn’t really want to try to talk to Shawn.  He went to ask his friend Cindy.  She was the captain of the cheerleading squad.  She was always happy, and she could usually find a way to make Nathan happy.  Nathan needed some cheering up, so he went to see her.</p>
<p>            She saw him coming, so she ran up and gave him a hug.  “Hi Nathan!”  She exclaimed.  “Hey Cindy,”  he replied.  She spotted his frown.  “Christopher said that you’ve been getting bullied by Shawn.” she stated.  “Yeah, and I really don’t know what to do.”  He said.  “Well that’s easy,”  she said, as if the answer was obvious and he should have thought of it already, “just be really nice to him, and he’ll be nice to you.” Nathan didn’t think that would work, either.  </p>
<p>            He could only think of one more friend that he trusted enough to talk about getting bullied with.  His friend Brian.  Brian was the Football, Basketball, and Baseball star of the school.  He was all-state in Football, and was going to go to Ohio State on a full ride scholarship.  </p>
<p>            When basketball practice got out, Nathan walked up to Brian and asked him about it.  “Hey Brian, Shawn is pissing me off, what should I do?” he said.  He didn’t want to admit that Shawn was bullying him to Brian.  “Oh yeah, I heard he was bullying you.” Brian commented.  “Who did you hear that from?”  Brian gawked.  “Shawn was braggin’ about it during practice yesterday.”  Nathan remembered that Shawn was on the basketball team too.  “I woulda punched his face in for you, but I figured I should let you handle it,”  Brian continued.  </p>
<p>            He should’ve, Nathan thought.  Then I wouldn’t have to deal with it.  “Yeah, but what should I do?”  He asked again.  Brian answered, “I already told you how I would handle it, just hit him.  Don’t let him push you around anymore.  He’s not so tough.” </p>
<p>Nathan knew that Shawn was a lot bigger than him, and he sure seemed tough, but it was already 5:00 and he had to go home and do his homework.  </p>
<p>            When he got to school the next day, Shawn walked up to him.  “Hey,” he said, “Can I borrow some money?”  He obviously thought he was being clever by pretending that Nathan had a choice.  “Why do you need money?”  Nathan asked remembering Christopher’s advice.  “Because I didn’t bring mine.  Now just give it to me, and I’ll get going.”  Shawn snapped, starting to lose his very short temper. </p>
<p>            “Here,” Nathan said, “ Here’s all I have that I don’t need for today.” Nathan said, pulling out his money and trying to be nice like Cindy had suggested.  Shawn was amazed that Nathan didn’t seem to get it. “No, that’s not going to be enough,” he said, almost yelling because he was so mad.  Then he grabbed for the money in Nathan’s hand.</p>
<p>            Nathan, as a wrestler, didn’t even let him get close.  He snatched the hand that Shawn had lunged with. While Shawn was off balance Nathan pulled him and stuck his foot out.  Shawn tripped and fell hard to the ground. He looked up, and saw everyone that had heard the argument laughing at him.  As he walked off, Nathan tried to play it cool, but inside he was bubbling with excitement as he went to find his friends.</p>
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		<title>By: Holly</title>
		<link>http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/comment-page-1/#comment-2</link>
		<dc:creator>Holly</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 16 Nov 2007 00:42:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://writingfix1.edublogs.org/2007/11/15/4/#comment-2</guid>
		<description>&lt;em&gt;My four year-old decided that he wanted to write along with his older brother. (Carson&#039;s brother, Austin, has his sample posted &lt;a href=&quot;http://writingfix.com/Picture_Book_Prompts/Daisy_Comes_Home4.htm&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;here &lt;/a&gt;at WritingFix) I asked him all the questions prompted by the graphic organizer, and then asked him to tell me the story after reading his sentences back to him.  This is what he told to me, verbatim:&lt;/em&gt;

I am going down the river in my inner tube.  I see kayaks, clown fish, and a tunnel with an alligator.  I hear boats go teeter-totter.  I smell seaweed.  I taste tropical water.  The water is cold.

I see an alligator fighting with another alligator.  It is in the water, just going in.  It has little bumps on its back.  It&#039;s opening its mouth and biting another alligator.  It is green.  It is angry at the other one, and it is snapping and opening and closing its jaw.

There is a red-tail monkey slapping another monkey.  It is walking into the water and is about to fall.  It has a white belly, white arms, brown face, brown back, and a red tail.   It has white legs.  It is screaming loud.  It&#039;s saying, &quot;Oooh-ooh-ah-ah.&quot;

The shark sees the monkey because it is looking for its prey.  It is a great white shark.  It is fighting with a lemon shark.  It is moving fast.  It has a white mouth.  It has sharp teeth.

All those animals are on the island that has a bunch of people and a bunch of houses.  I didn&#039;t like being on the river because it was scary.


By &lt;a href=&quot;http://writingfix.com/images/class_student_pics/carson_daisy_comes_home.jpg&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;Carson&lt;/a&gt;, age 4
&lt;em&gt;
Click on Carson&#039;s name to see his picture.&lt;/em&gt;



</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>My four year-old decided that he wanted to write along with his older brother. (Carson&#8217;s brother, Austin, has his sample posted <a href="http://writingfix.com/Picture_Book_Prompts/Daisy_Comes_Home4.htm" rel="nofollow">here </a>at WritingFix) I asked him all the questions prompted by the graphic organizer, and then asked him to tell me the story after reading his sentences back to him.  This is what he told to me, verbatim:</em></p>
<p>I am going down the river in my inner tube.  I see kayaks, clown fish, and a tunnel with an alligator.  I hear boats go teeter-totter.  I smell seaweed.  I taste tropical water.  The water is cold.</p>
<p>I see an alligator fighting with another alligator.  It is in the water, just going in.  It has little bumps on its back.  It&#8217;s opening its mouth and biting another alligator.  It is green.  It is angry at the other one, and it is snapping and opening and closing its jaw.</p>
<p>There is a red-tail monkey slapping another monkey.  It is walking into the water and is about to fall.  It has a white belly, white arms, brown face, brown back, and a red tail.   It has white legs.  It is screaming loud.  It&#8217;s saying, &#8220;Oooh-ooh-ah-ah.&#8221;</p>
<p>The shark sees the monkey because it is looking for its prey.  It is a great white shark.  It is fighting with a lemon shark.  It is moving fast.  It has a white mouth.  It has sharp teeth.</p>
<p>All those animals are on the island that has a bunch of people and a bunch of houses.  I didn&#8217;t like being on the river because it was scary.</p>
<p>By <a href="http://writingfix.com/images/class_student_pics/carson_daisy_comes_home.jpg" rel="nofollow">Carson</a>, age 4<br />
<em><br />
Click on Carson&#8217;s name to see his picture.</em></p>
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